i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
