Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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