omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
