My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
