My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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