You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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