I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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