she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
