So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
