Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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