Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
