..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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