sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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