i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
