I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
