i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
