A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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