I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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