I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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