i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
