I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
