just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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