hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
