I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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