Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
