i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
