It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
