Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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