Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
