I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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