lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
