Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
