What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
