dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
