Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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