White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
