My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
