did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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