Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
