my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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