I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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