I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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