evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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