You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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