Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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