I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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