Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
