They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
