I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
