I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
