I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
