There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize