they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
